Thursday, May 30, 2013


Storm is cooking bacon on the grill...
Worm: "I would kill people for bacon... not YOU people - other people."
            "I love bacon."
 He keeps eying the bacon, salivating, until he can no longer stand it. Like a little kid he swipes a piece  and stuffs it into his mouth. Screaming like a girl as he gobbles it up "It hurts! So good! Hot... hot ... hot!!! Oh! God! So good!! Oh! Ummm! Ouch! Oh! God! So GOOD!!!" (That's a direct quote)
Worm: "I think people would taste like bacon if they were cut thin and fried."
            "Lady GaGa should have worn a bacon dress instead of a meat dress - way sexier."
            "I'd love to do a girl in a bacon dress."
            "Everything tastes better on a grill - EVERYTHING!"

Marina poop

  We were surprised when we first got to the Marina that there is no place to pump waste. Turns out most of the marinas here have no place to get rid of waste. Most of those boats on docks and and on hooks are dumping their waste directly into the water. (helpful Tip #1: it's not cool to splash each other when getting into kayaks) This explains the stink on windless days as we walked toward the restaurant.....We asked the liveaboards how they deal with the situation, most simply shrugged. One guy told us he dumps urine but poops in a zip lock bag.... Many a night has passed when Worm, Rash and I contemplated just how this guy managed to accomplish this, given the size of his butt and the relatively small size of even a gallon sized zip lock bag... Rash recently installed a toilet in his boat ....with clear pipes. He told me it's quite entertaining watching his poop move through the tubing. Sometimes he'd leave it suspended or whoosh it quickly through.... don't judge sometimes the nights are long and most of us have no TV!

Bathrooms on the island.

Yes, this is paradise, beautiful beaches, awesome snorkeling, colorful people, but if you're a worm with a spastic colon or just a regular person caught around town with a need to go... public bathrooms are an issue. For the most part there is no hot water in public bathrooms and they are almost always filthy.... even for a guy called worm. The worst bathrooms on this island are ... K*C even the dining area reeks of urine. Sub*** offered it's customers brown paper towels for two weeks in a row, instead of toilet paper. McDo****'s gives you a 50/50 shot at having tp, if there is none... they only have blow driers so you're uh...  out of luck!! The Marina has bat feces and bugs littering toilets and sinks, their marina live aboards are given a cold shower in a mildewed stall that hasn't been cleaned in years. The guys have a garden hose to shower under and a disgusting urinal that hasn't worked in years. The award for worst public bathroom is the bathroom in town by an old

restaurant. No running water, No electricity, No toilet seat.. toilet's full of poop and stuff because it doesn't flush, unmentionable things cover the walls and floor. I know it's not meant to be used but it's often left unlocked and people go in there (you know who you are)
      The best public bathroom goes to the hardware store. I know Worm often goes out of his way to enjoy their fine facilities. His ultimate favorite pit stop is a prominent business downtown where the upstairs bathroom offers magazines and clean surroundings, where a worm can defecate in peace for hours at a time....

Showering at the marina

It's mid morning at the Marina, the sky on this crisp fall day is a crystal blue and the turquoise water gently laps against a mastless boat which is the habitat of a bilateral invertebrate annelid otherwise known as "Worm" We are currently camped out expectantly awaiting his arrival because today is the day we are hoping to catch the bilateral invertebrate as he conducts his weekly hygiene regimen. It is a very rare occurrence, which is why it is so highly anticipated. Finally, after hours of waiting, we notice movement, timid at first, then with a bang, the hatch opens and Worm, still inebriated from the night before, crawls out. With ruffled hair, red rimmed eyes and drooping shoulders, he slowly makes his way to the garden hose. We lean forward intrigued, as he roots around in the grass for some dirty bit of bar soap left behind weeks ago. Finally, he spies a piece and with hose in hand, he begins to lather up. Note the distinctive way the Worm rubs first his crotch then his butt, using a rough up and down scowering method. Followed by using the same soap to wash his hair and then the shorts he is currently wearing. He seems to be less effective in cleaning the shorts, as he has grown bored and distracted, he has after all the attention span of a worm... he gives himself a quick rinse off and with a dog like shake, a smiling worm saunters off ... ready to start his day.